Thursday, September 12, 2013

Poem: Ode To An Extremely Provocative Knothole

Ode To An Extremely Provocative Knothole

Thou hole! Thou lurid, lusty hole!
The spreading cherry bares her soul!
She spills her lobed and liquid lips
And bids the sap rise ‘tween my hips.
What fleshy knots arouse my sense
To sweet bilabial recompense?

Fair hole! Oftimes I’ve walked alone
In verdant forests overgrown
To flee the soured memory
Of woman’s love fast-fled from me.
‘Twas all for naught! For now I see
The fairest holes do grow on trees!

While woman's form but grows distressed,
And hangs in sad cascades of flesh.
Those teats that gravity once cheated,
In time must flop to earth defeated.
Yet thou, sweet hole, make’st my mood lighter
To think next year, thou wilt be tighter!

I would that I had wood enough
To stuff inside thy mossy muff.
I’d strip thy bark, I’d tap thee, tree.
I’d poke thy precious chokecherry.
Or would I choke thy pokeberry?
It matters not! Thy hole’s for me!

--Arthur Greenleaf Holmes, 1586


  1. I honestly almost died of laughter reading this poem! I almost tipped over in my chair with convulsions of laughter.

  2. Well, love, I am glad you pulled through! It's been awhile since I've been here--a self-imposed exile of sorts. But I feel I have emerged with more poems, so check back! And share!!!

  3. Did that sonavabitch Reilly put you up to this one? Or was it you who encouraged his perversions? You should have known better. That horse's ass knows as much about self-restraint as a priest knows about chastity. And frankly, I have always suspected that nasty Irish troll had a thing for the ephebic branch and knothole.